The Gay Redneck Rationalizes Pie Day
First, because he needs a break from the low-carb diet:
the damned eggs and bacon, eggs and bacon;
the lean cuts of meat, meat, meat;
the Virginia Quickstep courtesy of Splenda;
the cruel absence of pasta, corn, and buttermilk biscuits.
Second, because he can’t punish fundamentalists:
punch the pious pamphlet-toting pricks
who come to the door with witnessing
in mind;
take a sword to the Republican politician
who wants to return anti-sodomy
statutes to the state’s legal code;
aim a bazooka at all those churches
whose members voted to outlaw
same-sex marriage in Virginia.
Third, because onanism is the only option
in a mountain town so small:
he can’t grope the chunky-assed, blond-bearded
Food City clerk;
can’t court the no-doubt-straight dark-goateed
and tattooed Tractor Supply employee;
can’t abduct and ravish Jessy Ares and Hunter Marx,
Heath Jordan and Trent Locke,
RJ Danvers and Damien Crosse,
the DVD gods of his gay porn universe.
Every Friday’s Pie Day at the Draper Mercantile.
Excitedly, he ogles the options:
blueberry, pecan, coconut cream, butterscotch,
Dutch apple, lemon chess, strawberry/rhubarb.
He settles on the coconut. Master of sublimation,
for a few minutes lord of sugar’s accessible heaven,
he takes his time, as he would riding a man—
savoring each bite, sweet distraction
from hate, creamy substitute for ardor.
—Jeff Mann
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Jeff Mann has published five books of poetry, Bones Washed with Wine, On the Tongue, Ash, A Romantic Mann, and Rebels; two collections of essays, Edge and Binding the God; a book of poetry and memoir, Loving Mountains, Loving Men; five novels, Fog, Purgatory, Cub, Salvation, and Country; and three volumes of short fiction, A History of Barbed Wire, Desire and Devour, and Consent. The winner of two Lambda Literary Awards and two Pauline Réage Novel Awards, he teaches creative writing at Virginia Tech.